Let me just simply state it – Maddie Zahm’s debut album “Now That I’ve Been Honest” is a must listen record of 2023. This confessional body of work celebrates queerness, self discovery, and growth in the most liberating and comforting way possible. Immediately from the first listen you’ll feel like you’ve discovered pages of her diary with her deepest reflections on display, mixed with refrains of things you had been searching for words to express yourself. While this is Maddie’s story, it also feels like she’s writing for a community of people that need a voice, and it makes for a very special listen. 

What has always stood out to me about Maddie Zahm is her songwriting, and her ability as a vocalist to have you feel the intensity and passion of every word she sings. Her breakout single “Fat Funny Friend” in 2022 introduced her to a global audience, and her following EP “You Might Not Like Her” cemented her as an artist you had to get to know. Now in album territory, this record continues her story and showcases an impressive growth as she opens her heart to the listener through a range of different topics.

I recently chatted with Maddie Zahm about the liberating feelings behind her debut album “Now That I’ve Been Honest”, explored the queer stories behind songs like “Thanks For Coming Out” and “Lady Killer”, and reflected on the raw honesty of “Pick Up The Phone”. Check out the full chat BELOW;

THOMAS BLEACH: Your debut album “Now That I’ve Been Honest” is this beautiful, vulnerable, comforting, and reassuring body of work that celebrates queerness, self discovery and growth. I wanted to start off this interview by talking about the importance of queer stories in music in 2023. There is obviously so much vulnerability in these songs, but when you listen back do you also feel a liberation too, because as a listener I felt a freeness?

MADDIE ZAHM: Sometimes when I listen back, it’s really hard for me to realise how much time has passed since writing these songs. It almost feels like re-reading my journal. Writing songs is super tricky because a lot of the time I’m writing from a place of almost full truth. Especially with this album it was tough because this was the first time I was telling in some-ways other people stories outside of my own. So listening back it’s really interesting to be able to revisit my perspective of how things went, and the emotions that were tied to it.

TB: I also want to give a shout out to some other incredible queer musicians releasing music at the moment. We’ve just had Renee Rapp, Chappell Roan, Troye Sivan and Chelsea Cutler release incredible queer pop records about their journey’s. So are there any queer creatives you have personally found comfort in with listening to their stories?

MZ: Honestly, everyone on that list! It’s so important for queer voices to be able to be in the media right now. I was wondering what would happen if I had Troye Sivan to listen to when I was younger. For me, being a queer artist I think it’s important that my music be accessible to anyone that might be like me when I was 17. I want somebody to be able to listen to a love song I’ve written and realise that the person at the other end of it is a girl. I just wonder where I would be on my journey if I had heard that I was younger.

TB: The first song I wanted to talk about from the record was “Thanks For Coming Out”. It captures the moment of spending a weekend with someone who is still in the closet and experiencing a passionate weekend together, followed by them going back into the closet. The production of this song swells up and to me represents the anxiety and passion. What were the deliberate production choices in this song for you?

MZ: Oh, my God! I’m actually really impressed that you noticed that. The day that we had written “Thanks For Coming Out” I actually had tried to drive to Idaho because me, and my best friend had ended the situation that we were in. I quite literally chopped all of my hair off and tried to drive 14 hours in my white Jeep *laughs*. One of my best friends Carlee found me and convinced me to get out of the car and to come into a session, and so I said yes. We ended up writing this song, and something that I really wanted, which I told Alex – one of the people that wrote it with us -, that I wanted this song to feel exactly how it felt for me trying to escape to Idaho. But this is another one of the songs that is so funny to me because looking back I think now that I am a little more grown-up, I probably wouldn’t have written it. Which is why I think it’s so delightful to be able to look back at younger me a few years ago, and the way that I process things in a way that I would’ve processed them differently now.

TB: Then you roll into the brief voice-note interlude “Oh Um”. And as a queer person, this voicenote made me laugh so much as I have had so many awkward uber and taxi rides where conversations like this are started. So what was the story behind this voice note, and why did you want to include it on the record?

MZ: Oh my god, so I was actually on the drive to a first date with a girl publicly. I was terrified, and I got into an Uber and he started saying some crazy homophobic shit. I genuinely had a moment where I haven’t prayed in a really long time, but I prayed, and I was like “God, is this you?!? Do you not want me to kiss a girl?!” But instead, I ended up sending a voice memo to the girl that I was meeting, because we had actually had a conversation about our past in the church. She made a joke that I should add that to the album, and I did.

TB: “Lady Killer” explodes with this big production that shows another side of your artistry, and it’s so addictive. How many versions did this song go through to get it to where it is now on the record?

MZ: “Lady Killer” literally took so long to produce. I think because I was raised in the church, I was used to more Hillsong production and very non-dance music. so this was the first time I was really expanding my production. And I remember that we had written that “Fuck Romeo, I’ll take Juliet” line first, and how can you not produce that as a dance track?! But that song was a lot to produce, and now I am so so so grateful that it turned out the way it did.

TB: You’ve teased a bit of this song on TikTok, and it’s personally one of my favourite lyrics on the record – “You think that you’re not sexual. Because with him, you’re not” – What a line. So what has been one of your favourite, or one of the funniest reactions to this sound on TikTok that you’ve seen?

MZ: Oh my God, I think the best part about this song is the fact that I truly had only maybe kissed two women by the time that I wrote that song. The way that you come out of the closet, and immediately it just gets so gay so fast? *laughs*.

TB: The album closes with a personal favourite of mine – “Growing In” which hears you singing the line “I wish I could’ve told myself when I was a kid, that nobody is really growing up, we’re just growing in”. Can you explain the creative process behind this song?

MZ: “Growing In” actually took me the longest to write. We created a lot of different versions, because I felt like I was learning so much in that period of time. I ended up just writing a bunch of different verses. And then Adam and I decided to go through and choose which ones we felt were the most special.

TB: “Pick Up The Phone” is one of the most vulnerable songs on the record, and it hears you reflecting on your eating disorder. And the lyric I love is “I’m the only one who think’s I’m a fuck-up”  because it’s so honest. I can imagine that writing that lyric may have taken sometime or been hard to write as it is so self-aware?

MZ: Do you know what’s funny? “Pick Up The Phone” was probably the quickest song I’ve ever written. I was so flustered at the fact that I should’ve been happy during that period of time, and I just wasn’t, and couldn’t figure out why the hell I wasn’t. I felt so guilty for taking up negative space when I should’ve been filling spaces with positivity. Eating disorders are so difficult because they will hit you at any point and they have no empathy. I’m still shuffling through the fact that song is just me acknowledging that I didn’t wanna get better, but also self-aware enough to know exactly how I could if I wanted to. I wasn’t expecting as many people to relate to it as they did, but I figured that that’s kind of what’s happening with my music. 

TB: It’s not on the album but we HAVE to talk about the snippet of “Unloveable” you put on your TikTok. The raw emotion in that vocal delivery mixed with those lyrics gave me chills. First of all, don’t you dare delete that video. And second of all, I dare you to release it.

MZ: OK I’m obsessed with you. That song I know it’s gonna be so special, but it is a pain to write. I was crying the entire time. I won’t delete the video, but I definitely should write verses, and I think that’s gonna kick start the next journey. But don’t tell anyone… just kidding you can tell everyone.

“Now That I’ve Been Honest” is out now!